Navigating Trauma: Light & Healing -By Sanah Jivani
There are two voices inside my head
One wants me alive, the other wants me dead
One speaks love, the other speaks hate
I struggle to know what kind of life I should create
One voice is the darkness, it consumes my brain
As it takes over, I feel only pain
It soon becomes so dark that I cannot see
It’s like being stuck in a room where you can’t break free
The darkness is familiar, I begin to feel numb
The darkness is easy, I can play dumb
I can close my eyes and choose not to see,
All the awful things that have happened to me
The darkness brings quiet, I almost feel at peace
It seems like the only way to make the pain decrease
I sit in it, knowing that I am choosing to be blind
I am scared, if I open my eyes, what I might find
The other voice is light, it makes things vibrant and clear
When I look too closely, I am filled with fear
I am scared, because life is so full
There is happiness and sadness, and not a moment is dull
With light comes reality.
I can finally see.
I can finally see what happened to me.
I can finally find a way to break free.
Light uncovers identities I have worked so hard to hide
When there is light, I can’t ignore what’s inside
There is a young girl, who deeply needs to heal
There is a young girl, who has forgotten how to feel
There is a young girl, who has faced unimaginable pain
There is a young girl who can’t ignore her own brain
Her mind calls for love and care,
For years, she has been gasping for air.
If I choose to look into the light,
For this young girl, I am choosing to fight.
If I choose to look into the light,
For this young girl, I can make things right
I am choosing to look pain in the eye
I am choosing to work through the lies
I am choosing to break the cycle of abuse
Overcoming every assault, every bruise
Light will uncover every high and every low,
Light will uncover the fast and the slow
Light will uncover beauty and pain
Light will uncover joy and strain
At first, the truth might set me back,
It might rattle my core, might make me crack
As the trauma fills every bone,
Will come moments I feel completely alone
With time, the light will set me free
I will see the whole picture, understand all I can be
With time, I will learn to embrace joy and light
And through all the pain, I’ll continue to fight
I could choose darkness, I could choose to be numb
I could ignore the pain, blissfully play dumb
But I want to embrace my lows,
Only then, will I begin to grow
Because if you want to grow, it starts with a seed,
And you have to choose to give it what it needs.
Love, care, and so much light
Soon joy will emerge, bold and bright
I am bright, bold, and strong
Sometimes, I get it wrong.
I fall and fall, but always rise
Day by day, I grow wiser
I was made to live out loud,
I will stand strong and proud
I will bask in my own light
I will learn to stand upright
And when I bloom, it will be a sight.